When we first began EBT, users said they wanted to be hardwired at ONE. I was never sure that was a good idea.
As I get older, I have more certainty that the changing times, body, life expectancy has a way of leading to joy.
Take the occurrence of my first grandchild being in our house, in the crib we bought, for a couple of days, while we celebrated our near and dear cousin's wedding.
How perfect! Walt and I had chicken and green beans for dinner tonight, as he loves them, as he is from the Midwest, and all we could talk about was that lttle turnip of a child and how we missed him.
Having to exist and feeling the constant wheel of time bearing down is . . . maturing! The joy of being present to the agony if the ecstasy of life is pretty hard to take. A baby from your baby is here and then gone? Health seems normal, then it is not? And more like that!
I'm beginning to thin that the true, natural source of ecstasy in life is the ongoing commitment to stay aware of our feelings . . . and FEEL them.
I can't be close to my grandson, at least in the way my mother was to my three children. She lived in the neighborhood. However, being present to that loss, and how painful it is, causes an emotional and spiritual deepening. Who is to say that what feels good is good?
Somehow being present to the agony of that is freeing. Who knows what wonderful things could happen - whether it is for this little one to be there in the neighborhood or for us to unleash Herculean efforts and visit him regularly?
What matters is the feeling and sensation of love, love for him, love for this parents, love for our family, and love for all families across the globe.
What is the existential angst? Only you know, but feeling it leads to sheer joy.